Sunday, January 21, 2024 Sometimes I add a blog post because it is cathartic for me. This is one of those posts.
Making the decision to rehome the alpacas and their guardians was enormously stressful. Finding the new owners was actually the best part of it, although it did take a while. But then planning the loading and transport consumed me for the rest of the summer and fall. I thought of little else. And the numbness I felt when the last one left was all consuming. You would think enough time has passed now that I should be over it, and I am definitely in the process of returning to myself. But I am not over it. You cannot be that passionate about something for 25 years and give it up without a huge adjustment.
I read these words posted by a friend on Facebook and they struck a chord with me. I know I’m not the only person going through changes and loss, so I’ll share these words. Thanks, Chris Zydel.
“The exhaustion you feel after going through any period of ongoing stress is very, very real. And it takes a while to process through. Part of that process can look like numbness and disorientation and disconnection from your feelings and yourself. Don’t worry. It’s a normal part of the process of coming back to yourself after the trauma and emotional intensity related to the stress.
It’s so important to rest. Rest. And more rest. Be patient and kind to yourself. Make space for ALL your feelings. Imagine yourself as thawing out from being frozen. This process of thawing and integration will take some time. It will be uncomfortable as you allow yourself to feel what it wasn’t safe to feel during the crisis. But try and remember that all of your feelings are valid. And you can only heal what you can allow yourself to feel.”
Farmer Ed said a few nights ago, “You are starting to seem like your self again!” Little by little yes. Hoping the words above help someone else like they helped me.
Stay warm and thanks for checking in.
Photo of the day: Finding the beauty of winter.
Gigi Caito
Gosh, Linda. Such a huge change doesn’t resolve itself overnight. I have a feeling there will always be sadness when you recall your life-changing decision. I liken it to the death of a loved one. Each day gets better, but one truly does not “get over it”.
We all love your humanity. Always have and always will, with or without alpacas, guardian dogs, barn cats, and everything else! We may have all met you through your alpacas, but your kindness is why we all stayed. With love and admiration, Gigi
Linda
OK, now you made me cry. 😭 But it’s good tears. Thanks Gigi.
Brenda
Gigi perfectly put into words what I was thinking and feeling. We’ve all mourned with you because we care for you, Linda, and connected with your journey. You are an inspiration.
Linda
More tears. Thanks Brenda. 🙏
Sunny Bryson
I absolutely, with Love, concur with Brenda and Gigi. However I met you through another avenue and you inspired me then as well. 💜
Linda
Thanks Sunny. ❤️ Those were the days! We had some good times too.
Beth
Make space for ALL your feelings really rings true.
Linda
So many feelings, right?